The obedience earned through sticker rewards may be affecting children's intrinsic motivation

In kindergarten classrooms and ordinary households, sticker rewards are almost everywhere. Eating well can earn stickers, following rules can earn stickers, and returning toys can also earn stickers. After collecting a certain amount, children can still exchange small gifts. Many parents see it as an immediate and convenient way to discipline their children. In the classroom, I have also seen many children whose first reaction before doing things is to ask: Are there any stickers when they are ready?

When the starting point of something becomes exchanging rewards, the meaning of the thing itself may be quietly replaced.

The logic of external rewards is very direct: if you meet the requirements, you will receive rewards. In order to receive stickers and exchange gifts, children will actively restrain their behavior and cooperate with adults' requirements. In the short term, children are obedient and make significant progress, and adults are also at ease. But the Montessori educational philosophy holds that children are born with intrinsic drive. Children may tidy up their teaching aids because they like to be neat and orderly; Serious work brings a sense of achievement through exploration itself; Adhering to rules is to better participate in collective life. These satisfactions come from the things themselves and do not require external support.

Stickers belong to external incentives. It bypasses inner satisfaction and uses matter as bait to drive behavior. Short term effects are visible, but the impact often gradually becomes apparent over a longer period of time.

Once children become accustomed to using stickers as motivation, they may develop a mindset: if it's not beneficial, I don't want to do it. Cleaning up toys, eating well, and participating in labor all become exchange conditions. The reward disappears, and the behavior easily returns to the starting point. Many children perform well when they are constrained by stickers at school, but when they return home without any rewards, they are completely unwilling to cooperate, resulting in a significant gap between home and school. This is one of the most direct impacts of external rewards.

A more subtle impact is that it may weaken a child's inner sense of achievement. Originally, when a child completes something, happiness comes from self actualization. When sticking stickers becomes a goal, children no longer feel the joy of the thing itself, but only focus on the final reward. Over time, he may find it more difficult to experience the satisfaction that the process brings. The willingness to resist setbacks may also be affected as a result. If only receiving rewards is worth the effort, children are more likely to choose to give up when faced with difficult tasks without rewards. He doesn't try to grow, he just acts in return.

Schools and families are prone to enter this mode simultaneously. The most common situation is that schools frequently use sticker systems, and families also follow suit. There are also some parents who, after understanding the Montessori philosophy, go to another extreme and completely deny all rewards, and do not give recognition to their children's progress. This is also worth noting. It is worth distinguishing: describing facts and affirming feelings, this is seeing children; Exchanging material stickers for daily tasks is closer to external control. In a collective environment, it is understandable that stickers are occasionally used as fun activities in games, but they should not be used as a routine tool for managing children on a daily basis. If the school is using it, families should try not to stack it together to avoid children's excessive dependence on external rewards.

Without stickers, families can still affirm their children. The key is to replace material rewards with descriptions of facts and feelings, and return value to the things themselves. When a child takes the initiative to put all the toys back in place, it's better to say, "You put all the toys back in their original place, and now the room is tidy." Instead of saying, "I'll give you a reward for completing a difficult task," it's better to say, "It's a bit difficult, but if you persist in completing it, will you feel a sense of achievement?" Instead of promising material rewards, guide the child to see the objective results of their actions and experience their inner feelings. Of course, there can still be gifts and surprises in life, but gifts are expressions of love and should not be used as bargaining chips for exchanging children's behavior.

The pursuit of nurturing is never the child's current obedience. True self-discipline may come from inner love and satisfaction, rather than expectations of external rewards. By relying less on external bait and guarding the intrinsic driving force that children are born with, they are more likely to develop self-awareness from their own hearts.